Taken from my personal journal, written in mid-June, 2010:
I always feel like writing at night, for some reason. Maybe because I like to use writing as a reflection of the day.
So the other night, I asked myself a question. After struggling with the aggravation of trying to assimilate back into the American culture, I began to wonder if assimilating was what I really wanted to do. I began to feel encircled by a juxtaposition of unfamiliar familiarities. I don’t want to go back to normal life, I thought. I don’t want to get used to America because I don’t want to lose the insight, emotions, and experience I gained while abroad. With these worries floating around in my head, I asked myself this question: How much of adjusting means forgetting how you once felt?
This dilemma was on my mind for days. I don’t want to forget anything, I thought. I want to remain perfect in my fixations and European perspective. America (Texas, in particular) is so disappointing, so plain. To me, it seems that our nation is masked with a façade of rightness. By this I mean that in every aspect of our lives, the idea of purposeful living is impressed upon us as the best way and the only way to live life and be successful. While I fully support the idea of goals, motivations, hard work, etc, I absolutely do not believe this is the only way to have a successful and fulfilled life.
So many times you hear the story about the man who followed the path: prep school, college, career in a cubicle or corner office. And so many times, you hear these people talk about how disappointed and unfulfilled they feel with their lives (mid-life crisis, anyone?). Sometimes, the brave ones are able to find the courage to break out of this mold and take control of their life, to spend their time and their passion on doing something they really want to do. Sometimes.
But what if this wasn’t just a sometimes thing? What if people didn’t have to make the initial mistake of committing to an unfulfilling but socially acceptable career, in order to realize that they should follow their passions? What if this idea was what was pushed on us all along? Freedom! Follow your dreams! Be creative in life and make happen what you want to happen.
To follow a certain path because its what society tells you is right now seems completely absurd to me. Through the knowledge I gained abroad: through meeting people, through reflection, through a different pace of life, through being surrounded by arts and beauty, through living in a society where passion is revered above all. This is how I learned this perspective. Before travelling, I had no clue how the world worked. I thought of life as good and bad, black and white, right and wrong. I faced so many of these preconceptions in my travels, and experienced enough to completely abolish any belief that life is just so simple.
I learned a hell of a lot while I was living in Europe. About myself, responsibility, language, culture, etc. The list could go on and on. Most importantly though, I learned that what I love most is the travel itself, for it is through travelling that all these experiences are possible. This passion has been steady throughout my entire life, even since I was in grade school (fifth or sixth), when I’d dream and plan research endlessly. I often used to play with this old world globe my mother bought me at a garage sale. I’d spin it as fast as I could, close my eyes, and then stop the globe with my finger when the time felt right. Wherever my finger landed, I’d just imagine travelling there. I’d wonder what the land was like, the people? It seemed so far-fetched that I’ve ever get to do any world travelling. Yet for some reason, I was persistent in my dreams of faraway lands. I think deep down, I knew that the time would come for me to explore. Bottom line: for me, travelling has always felt right, and has always been a part of who I am, and played a huge role in developing who I want to be.
Anything is possible. Really, it is. Living out my biggest dream has made me believe this. I have so many opportunities in life, so many different roads to choose from. All I have to do is dream it up, then set the plan to make it happen! I’m such a believer now.
So back to the question: How much of adjusting means forgetting how you once felt? My answer: I will never forget how I once felt. I will keep my feelings and thoughts alive through reflection, writing, and my personal connection to the experience I have gained. I have awoken my passion in life- travelling, and use my writing to express (sometimes purposefully- my American coming out), what I learn and how I feel. To adjust means to adapt, to live life with a will to be happy. I’m so confident now that I can achieve my wants and passions and heart lusts, that I feel much more confident in the person that I am.
Travelling for me has breathed life into my perspective! And I’m so thankful for that each and every day!
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